Me: Hello. I called by a few nights ago and left a booklet about charity in India.
Daughter: Oh yes. I asked my mum, and her line is that she's already supporting *name of a charity*.
[I notice she's wearing a uniform.]
Me: Oh, ok. What about you? What's your line? Are you a carer?
Daughter: No. I'm a student nurse, so I don't have any spare money.
Me: No, well, that's fair enough.
Daughter: I'll try and find your leaflet for you so you can have it back...
[calls downstairs] Mum, have you seen that leaflet about India?
Mum [from downstairs] : It's in the recycling. They're coming tomorrow, so it's outside.
Daughter [goes outside to recycling bins]: Let's have a look... it should be in this one... or is it in this one?... no, maybe it's in here.
Me: If it's not easy to find it then don't worry.
Mum [from inside the house]: Do you need a torch dear?
Me: It's not a problem if you can't find it.
Daughter: Ah... here it is.
Me: Great, thank you.
Mum [coming out of the house]: I'm already giving to *name of charity*. They're ethical and I know where my money's going. Not like these other charities...
Me: I see, so you like to give to ethical charities and you like to know where your money's going?
Mum: Yes - I know where I am with *name of charity*. I like *name of charity*, I know them.
Me: So you like what you know and you know what you like?
Mum: Well, it's not just that. You don't know where your money goes with these other charities. You get all these street fundraisers hassling you and giving you the hard sell down on the London Road...
Daughter: But he's not like them mum...
Mum: I've read about it in the paper. I know how much money you're getting out of this.
Me: I'm not getting a penny. I'm a volunteer.
Mum: Well I know about *name of charity* and I know about these other charities.
[Daughter gives up and goes back into the house.]
Me: But you don't know anything about our charity do you?
[I give up and wander off. I wish I'd said something like "You haven't given me a chance. You've categorised me and put our work into a box without knowing anything about it".]
Still no standing orders from the new patch I'm working, but I am making steps forward in terms of giving the other person more space and acknowledging more what they've said before I come in with my ideas about things. It's a small change, but already I feel like it's making a big difference with how well I connect with people. I sense if I can take this away with me from the appeal, life and listening will be so much better.
